Safety
2026-Jul-06, Monday 11:47"The one who hurt you doesn't get a say in how you choose to protect yourself from it happening again."
-- Ehowton
Periodically I encounter people who feel conflicted about obligations and safety. Frequently it's because an abusive parent or spouse has become incapacitated or is heading in that direction. I've often said that you don't owe an abuser anything. The above quote makes it clear why. Acts of neglect or abuse remove any obligation the victim may have had to the abuser. Cast off, expended, gone. You are completely free to protect yourself by ignoring the abuser's wants or needs, walking away, and never seeing them again. You may deny them all your resources -- time, energy, money, attention, everything. They made their choices and now get to live with the consequences.
Remember this if someone pressures you to harm yourself by taking care of an abuser. That person is trying to use and harm you also. Classify them as another threat to your safety.
-- Ehowton
Periodically I encounter people who feel conflicted about obligations and safety. Frequently it's because an abusive parent or spouse has become incapacitated or is heading in that direction. I've often said that you don't owe an abuser anything. The above quote makes it clear why. Acts of neglect or abuse remove any obligation the victim may have had to the abuser. Cast off, expended, gone. You are completely free to protect yourself by ignoring the abuser's wants or needs, walking away, and never seeing them again. You may deny them all your resources -- time, energy, money, attention, everything. They made their choices and now get to live with the consequences.
Remember this if someone pressures you to harm yourself by taking care of an abuser. That person is trying to use and harm you also. Classify them as another threat to your safety.